Divorce can be tough on the family dynamic, especially if teenagers are involved. Unlike smaller children, they may be more aware of the situation and may harbor feelings that they have trouble expressing. Many teens don’t want to burden their parents with their own feelings because they see their parents going through so much on their own.
The teenage years are difficult at face value, add in a divorce, and it can get even more complicated. But, there are things you can do help your teen get through this changing time in everyone’s lives.
Make teachers and other adults aware of the situation
Some teens may experience trouble in school as their parents go through a divorce. Giving teachers, coaches, and other adults insight as to what is happening will allow them to help your child if they notice there is a problem. This can open up the lines of communication so everyone can help your teen get through this time.
Deal with bad behavior right away
Some teens may act out when they find out their parents are getting a divorce. Giving them a “free pass” isn’t going to solve any issues. Rather, you should address any bad behavior when it starts so it doesn’t become a pattern. Having both parents handle the situation can benefit your teen because it shows them that although you are getting a divorce, you are still a united front when it comes to parenting.
Watch for erratic behaviors
The teen years are fraught with turmoil which is exaggerated by the multitude of changes that go along with parental divorce. Be on the lookout for red flags that include: suddenly doing badly in school, losing friends, showing intense rage or anger, mood swings, radical changes in behavior; or developing frequent physical ailments such as stomach or headaches, sleep problems, or eating disorders.
Make sure your child has someone “neutral” to talk to
While you and your spouse may be there for your child during the divorce, having a neutral person they can talk to that is not involved can be beneficial. Your teen may feel as though they can truly express themselves and tell this person things they don’t feel comfortable telling you for fear of being judged. This can be a trusted family friend or perhaps even a therapist.
Give your teen your attention & plan special activities
It’s tough to carve out time in our busy lives, but sometimes it’s good to unplug for a while and give your teen your undivided attention. Let them know they are important and don’t have to share your attention.
One idea to make them feel special is to plan activities for just the two of you. This can be a movie, dinner, or any other activity you both enjoy. Sharing some laughs and having a good time will benefit both of you.
Don’t flaunt your dating life
Your children should be your priority during your divorce, not dating. Many people end up dating before their divorce is final, however. While this is not recommended and can have long-term impacts, if you do decide to date during your divorce, keep it discreet.
Once your divorce is final, wait a reasonable time to introduce your new beau to your children. At some point, you’ll need to sit down with them and explain to them that there will come a time when you will start dating other people. While they still may not like the idea, discussing it with them and listening to their concerns can help them feel better.
How you handle your divorce and cope with it can teach your teen valuable life skills. Try to look for the positives in the situation and help them do the same. Be the example your teen needs during this confusing time.
