Telling your child that their parents are getting divorced can be difficult and painful for everyone involved. There are endless emotions and questions that come with this decision. Many children are often confused and need reassurance from both parents that everything is going to be ok.
How you break the news is going to depend on their age and how much they understand about the situation. No matter their age or how you tell them, it is important to do it together so that your children see that everyone is still caring for them and that they are loved.
Here are 6 tips to help make the process go as smoothly as possible:
Plan What You Will Say & When You Will Say It
You need to clearly think out what you are going to say when telling your kids about the divorce. This is not a conversation you will want to have on the way to school or before bedtime. Seek out a day that allows for family time and time to process what is happening, like a weekend. Choose a time when you and your spouse can do it together. Do not blurt out the news impulsively. Take your time and speak slowly so that your children can understand.
Have an Age-Appropriate Conversation
You will need to have a conversation based on your child’s age and developmental abilities. Younger children have less of a concept of marriage and divorce, so you will need to use simple language. Focus on the basics, like who will be moving out and how they will still get to see both parents.
Older children will have more of an understanding and will likely have more questions. Your conversation can be more detailed and as open as you feel comfortable, without giving information that children do not need to hear.
Do not Put the Blame on One Parent
Although one parent’s affair or bad decision may have led to the divorce, do not place the blame on just one parent. Your child may not want to see that parent or feel as though they are caught in the middle. Use “we” when talking to them so that they can see that it is a joint decision that one parent does not blame the other one for. Use statements such as, “We are not happy together” or “We both want to stop arguing.”
Tell Your Kids What Will Stay the Same & What Needs to Change
The most important thing your kids want to know is how the divorce is going to affect their lives. Children want to know where they are going to live, with whom, and what is going to change. Reassure them that things will stay the same while informing them about changes, such as one parent needing to move out. While this needs to happen, let them know that they will still have a relationship with both parents, as long as it is a safe and healthy one.
Reassure Them Both Parents Still Love Them
Children need to be reassured that while their parents may no longer love each other the way married couples do, they are still loved the same. They not only need reassurance of their love but also that they did not do anything to cause the divorce. Be sure they know that while it may be tough for a while, while they make adjustments, it will eventually be ok after everyone gets used to the new arrangements.
Be Sure to Listen
Children need to be heard and feel like you are truly listening to their needs and emotions as they react to the news. Be present in the moment and tune into what they are saying. If they want to talk about their feelings at that moment, let them. If they are still working on processing the information, give them the time and space they need and let them know you will be there when they are ready.
The Bottom Line
Remember, divorce is painful for everyone involved. Presenting a united front will give children the reassurance they need to know that they are going to weather the storm. By not placing blame on either parent or not arguing in front of the children, you can make their best interests a priority. Be sure your children know they are still loved and that you are always there for them, even if you are the parent who will be moving out. Children need to know that while their parents’ relationships will be changing, their relationship with their parents will not.
If you are looking for more information reach out to the Law Offices of William M. Strachan, and we would be more than happy to assist you.
